My boss doesn’t like me. Not a statement for many, but for those that feel this way it is an overwhelming feeling that stops productivity and in turn, results.
Your boss holds your success, financially and professionally, tight in the palm of their hands. It therefore, stands to reason you want them to like you, that and who doesn’t want to be liked?
76% of employees don’t feel valued at work*
But you can’t get along with everyone that crosses your path, and if it happens to be your boss that’s not a fan of you then there are ways to handle the unwanted dislike. Consider:
- Does your manager get along effortlessly with others and not you?
- Does your boss avoid conversations with you?
- Do you feel your superior does not trust you?
- Are you feeling unsupported in your role?
- Your opinion is not considered, at worst, ridiculed?
My boss doesn’t like me, may be a feeling you only feel, but for good reason. You don’t really have a set explanation why they don’t like you, but it’s just a feeling. You don’t have to be best friends with your boss, but a degree of mutual respect is necessary for business productivity as well as self-worth.
Remember that disagreement is not the same as hatred.
WHAT TO DO
Before you work yourself into a frenzy, you need to assess what’s really going on and identify what’s causing tension, have a conversation with an industry expert who can get to the cause of your issue. Once you do, you can build a targeted plan for how to make things better. Here is a starting point:
GET A REALITY CHECK FROM OTHERS
If you think you’re being singled out by your manager and feel “hated,” check in with a trusted colleague to get their opinion. Be sure to keep the conversation between you and the trusted person you speak with between the two of you only.
No good will ever come from inactivity. If your “gut” is telling you “my boss doesn’t like me” then do something about it. Overthinking a situation without taking action is unproductive and can bring you down unnecessarily. If you can not go directly to your boss, consider the support of your valuable HR team, there are multiple reasons why HR are important and they are there for you.
EFFECTIVELY COMMUNICATE YOUR CONCERNS
If you are going to approach your boss, be diplomatic but direct. Also try to choose a time you know your boss is not under pressure or too busy. Every strong leader knows the value of a light hearted conversation, and they also know when to have “the talk”. Try scheduling a meeting to make it official and give your boss as well as yourself the required time to discuss everything.
Your boss most likely does not know you are upset and feel undervalued. Try to maintain regular communication with each other – especially face to face, even if it is virtual. This way, you can keep them up to date with your achievements and can bring up matters that are troubling you openly.
Ask your manager for ideas and input on things you are working on. Ask in such a way that it doesn’t look as though you lack confidence, but with the goal of sending the message that you value and respect their opinion and truly want their input on important projects you are working on.
Ask how you can improve or whether you’ve done anything out of place. You may be doing everything right, but you’ll never know if you don’t ask. If your boss becomes passive aggressive, perhaps you have some ideas on what’s behind the problem, so you might try and bring up what you believe the underlying issues are. Express that you want to succeed in your role – and you need their support to do so. If they feel they’re needed, it might help the situation.
If it turns your boss doesn’t like you because of something you did – perhaps you once stole credit for their work, or you’ve thrown them under the bus – don’t get defensive and make excuses for your behaviour. Own up to the mistake and simply say “sorry”. It is surprising the effect those two words have on people, when you actually mean it.
EMOTION FOR HOME, PASSION FOR BUSINESS
Don’t overreact or take things too personally. Contact us today and ask about Garret Norris’ infamous 13 Elephants Technique for tense situations! It works every time. Your boss will understand your position much clearer when you remove the emotion and stick to the facts, a key trait used by those with a higher emotional intelligence.
KEEP EXPECTATIONS REAL
As mentioned, you will not be liked by everyone you meet, it is the law of life. One easy way to be let down by your boss is to have high expectations that he or she wants to be BFFs. This is not going to be the case. Maintain a professional relationship based on trust, honesty and strong work ethics.
Most of us are multi-skilled these days, use that to your advantage and be helpful! As they are your boss, your job is already to make theirs easier. However, it can’t hurt to ask if there’s anything else you can help with, especially if it is outside of their skill-set. Do this once or twice, and be careful not to come off as brown-nosing, as trying too hard may backfire, at times coming across as being insincere or even manipulative. So be sincere and genuine in your offer to help, every now and again.
Remember: any form of bullying behaviour by your colleagues is not okay. It’s important for your own self-respect and contentment at work to let others know if and when they’ve overstepped the limits. If they don’t respond and you see this behaviour with others, you may discuss it with your boss’s boss or HR – but that should be a last resort. Try our Handling Conflict Workshop and we will arm you with all you need to smooth out any difficult situation, be it at work, with customers or even at home.
Invest in your people and refine their ability to Handle Conflict – contact Healthy Business Builder on 1300 833 574 or firstname.lastname@example.org to confidentially discuss training for you or your team – workshops can be IN PERSON or VIRTUALLY, it’s up to you.
(*statistic source: medium.com)